Nobody Can Have This Baby But You!

 

More than sixteen years ago, when I was in labor with my second child, I had to push for two hours before she would make her appearance. After about an hour or so, I was so tired and didn’t feel like I could do it anymore. I said so. I said, “I can’t. I need to stop.”

Cut to me learning an incredible life lesson! A room full of people. People with degrees and experience and knowledge and information and skills. The daddy was there. The doctor. An anesthesiologist. At least one nurse. Maybe more folks than that…it seems like there were tons of folks. But one of these lovely souls said, “nobody can have this baby but you.”

And I pressed on and had that baby. I often remember back to this phrase. I have used it with clients. I have used it with my children. It is a metaphor for life in so many ways. Surround yourself with supportive folks, smart folks, skilled and capable folks…but when it comes down to it…how many things in your life are truly, at the heart of it all, up to you?

NOBODY CAN HAVE THIS BABY BUT YOU!!

So I ask you…what is that you feel tired of trying?  What do you wish you could let somebody else could do for you?  We all do this from time to time.  Now, ask yourself….is that even possible?  Take a deep breath and know down in your bones that you have what it takes within you to have this baby…  Take another deep breath and keep going

200 Times….Really?

About a year ago, I attended a training on neuroscience.  I learned then that we need to say affirmations 200 times a day to change the way neurons fire in our brain.  I didn’t write any notes about this and it is from my memory, so it may be flawed.  I tried Google and couldn’t find the science or research to back this.  Help a girl out….if you know where I can find this, let me know and I’ll add a link in this post.  I just remember thinking 200 times a day….really?  I even laughed out loud and a couple people turned around to look at me.  At that time, I had a list of about 20 affirmations that I would say sometimes once per day….and I thought they were going to say 3 times or 10 times for how many times we needed to say an affirmation…..200 times every single day will actually change our brains, they said.  Okay, so this made me think I needed to change the way I do affirmations.

Step ONE….I think I needed to get the number of affirmations down from 20 to 1….maybe 2.  In order to do this, I think I needed just the right one.  This brings me to the next step.

Step TWO….find just the right affirmation.  You can make it up, ya know?  What do you NEED right now?  There are many, many available online and in books.  The secret is to find just the right one for you.  What is going on with you?  Are you sad and depressed?  Anxious?  Unhappy with your body?  Unhappy with your work?  What’s on your mind all the time that needs changing?  Find the negative loop that you play over and over in your mind that is impacting your daily life….then turn it around.  This is a bit of an art.  Some of us will know it when we find it because it will resonate in our body.  Some of us will resist it and that will clue us in that maybe that’s what we need to change in our brains.  Be a little bit of a detective and search for it….do some research….it is there.

Step THREE….write it down several times.  Get some post-it notes and index cards.  Write it down on several of them.  Place one on your mirror…one in your wallet….one in your car….one by your pillow.  You get the idea.

Step FOUR….get creative.  Use markers and poster board and make a big version of your affirmation.  Use the computer and play with fonts and clip art to print out a nice version of your affirmation.  Write it on 3 note cards, address it to yourself and stamp it.  Then ask 3 friends to mail it to you 10, 20 and 30 days out.

Step FIVE…look at your daily routine.  What does your typical day look like?  Put a post-it by the shower and say your affirmation 10 times in the shower.  Put an index card in the kitchen and say it 10 times while you have breakfast.  Have a post-it in the car and say it 10 times while you are driving to work.  Have a post-it in your lunch box and say it 10 times while you enjoy your lunch.  Find several pockets of time throughout your routine to add a reminder and some repeating of your affirmation.

Step SIX….create some rituals.  Have some fun with this one.  Get a stone or memento of some kind and have it in your pocket.  Hold it and say your affirmation a few times.  Or, get an essential oil that you like and put a drop on your wrist and say your affirmation while pressing the oil in, then while breathing the scent in.  Speaking of breathing in….breathe in your affirmation, then as you exhale breathe out the resistance or fear or limiting belief that led you to the affirmation in the first place.  Make it part of your meditation.  Write  your affirmation at the top of your to-do list or journal entry.

These are some ideas to get you started.  See how you can add to this and feel free to share your own ideas.  Try your affirmation and any of the ideas listed above….shoot for 200 times for the next 40 days and see what happens.  Let me know what you notice.

Need an affirmation to get you started?  Choose one of these until you find just the right one for you:

I love and accept myself right now.

I am worthy of love and belonging.

I am good enough!

What Doesn’t Kill Us….

By nature, I look at just about everything around me as a potential story for life lessons and wisdom.

The cat pictured above is my neighbor’s outdoor cat.  The neighbor said she got him when she had had a mouse problem and thought he could keep them away.  I have two indoor cats and one of my cats is named Scout (although we seldom call him that….usually Fuzzball or Boy Kitty).  Our neighbor’s cat….also named Scout.  Up until a couple months ago, outdoor Scout would be seen on occasion and would run away quickly.  At least that was my experience.  The closest I came to seeing him up close was when he was in my backyard and really wanted to meet my kitties inside.  I love cats and wanted to be friendly with outdoor Scout.  He just seemed skiddish.

Several weeks back, outdoor Scout was attacked by a bigger wild cat (which my neighbor successfully trapped and released into a woodsy area far away from our neighborhood).  Now, outdoor Scout was taken to the vet and treated and is doing much better.  But here’s what I noticed…he is not so skiddish anymore.  I see him more and more.  He seems to be more confident and proud.  In fact, he let me get closer and closer to him to take the photo….even rolled over and let me pet him:

Now, maybe I am projecting my own thoughts and experiences into Scout’s story.  But at any rate, I think it is a good story!  He didn’t become more skiddish after being attacked, he became less….  He took his experience and seemed to let it make him stronger.

In our lives, we sometimes get attacked.  Not always literally…  Of course, there are physical traumas that we sometimes experience.  But there are also times when people attack us with their words.  And then sometimes life just hits us hard…financial struggles, work struggles, family struggles….  Maybe we can learn from Scout to come back into our “neighborhood” (however we would interpret that for our situation) and be more confident.  It really depends on what we dealing with how that might look…but let’s look in our situation and see what we might can see.

Imagery is pretty powerful and so we can imagine that we are Scout, taking our place on the lawn, look around a little more relaxed…maybe even look for the moments when we can roll over and receive the love and “petting” from someone we used to run away from.

What do you think?  Can you relate?  Do you use imagery?  Do you see life lessons all around you?

If I Had a Book Club

Occasionally I will run across online book clubs and who can forget Oprah’s Book Club?  I have friends who have been in book clubs, and I even attended one meeting of a friend’s book club.  And I think they are a great idea….yet I have never really jumped into a group, online or otherwise.  But….if i were to have a book club for self-help books or psychology/therapy books, I know 3 books that would go on the top of my list!  Here they are:

1. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.  She has some awesome videos online that are worth your perusal (Google her if you haven’t seen them).  She also has an equally awesome book that was just recently released that I’d recommend as well.  But, what I love about The Gifts of Imperfection is it is a quick read.  It is something like 130 pages long and you could easily read it in a couple of hours!  And I love how it is so practical….each chapter gives you some key points and action steps!  You can read this book over and over.  Her writing style feels comfortable and real!  We will all relate to her and, in turn, relate more with each other!  I don’t recommend borrowing this book because I think you’ll want a copy of your own to return to periodically! 
2. Why You Do the Things You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy.  I would classify this book as highly based in Attachment Theory.  These two authors really apply attachment theory to adult relationships.  In my practice, I used to mostly focus on children and attachment.  I love how this book really shows how we develop relationship styles.  As you read this book, you will see yourself and loved ones described.  You may have a few a-ha moments here and there.  The first half of the book really goes into the different relationship styles, while the second half gives you some ideas on how to heal if you have insecure relationships.  This book is a Christian book, which will be important for some readers.  I believe the information is equally helpful for Christians and non-Christians alike.
3. Anger:  Deal with It, Heal with It, and Stop It from Killing You by Dr. William DeFoore.  I recently had the opportunity to hear Dr. DeFoore speak and absolutely loved his presentation.  I loved how he normalized feeling angry and how it can be healthy.  We so often are taught NOT to be angry by our caregivers and society.  This book teaches us how to be angry and all the emotions that go in with the anger.  This book is about so much more than anger.  It is about emotional healing!

What books would you add to this list?  Have you read any of these books?  What are your thoughts?  I would love to hear from you.  As I wrote this blog post, each of these books were under $12.00.  Any one of them would be a great investment, in my humble opinion!